How to develop a good interpersonal relationship with colleague and friends?

By poster poster Points: 2455 | Level: Starter | Status: [Member]
Posted on: 6/9/2009 11:41:49 AM | Views: 9677

I am a software professional having 4+ years of experience. I have pretty good technical knowledge however I feel I still have to learn how to work in team and how to deal with different kind of people in the team.

Internally I am a very good person but unfortunately I fail to convey what I am and people understand me differently and feel I am rude. I am pretty straight forward and talk straightly without any hide and seek I think somewhere this is one of the problem but not sure.

Can you all please guide me on how to have a very good interpersonal relationship with colleagues and friends.


sainath's Advice on Wednesday, June 10, 2009 :
At 4+years of experience you should ideally be looking at some kind of a leadership role - the minimum being that of a SSE,Module lead,etc.

It is good to know that you are a straight forward and honest person, which means that there is no problem on a fundamental level. However, being straight forward can sometimes backfire when dealing with people, and your entire success from this point onwards will plainly depend upon how good you are at dealing with people, it is like an invisible glass ceiling which determines how high you will jump.
Unfortunately, most people never get around to addressing this fundamental skill and compromise their career progress in the process.
Some quick tips which I can share:
  1. Take a genuine interest in all the people you interact with - much beyond official matters. And the list of people includes the security guard and house-keeping staff in your office.
  2. Before telling anything to anybody, put yourself in their shoes and view the situation.
Do not violate others' sense of self-respect when conveying anything harsh - the golden rule is "Praise in public,criticise in private.". This does not mean that you should be a sweet talker,however, it means that you need to be patient and considerate.
Your overall success as a team lead, Manager,Architect will be limited to the degree others are willing to follow you. If you have a habit of saying things like it is you may soon be faced with a situation where people will alienate and avoid you and your influence with them will do downwards which will lead to severely limiting your career.
There are no "patterns" when it comes to dealing with people. However, this is a learned skill.
The best man managers are those who even when they say no to something, it sounds like a yes. 
This article written by myself earlier focuses on people management

Apart from the same, I would strongly recommend that you read "Becoming a person of influence." - by Dr.John Maxwell and Jim Dornan, Magna publishing. Learning people skills from a book may sound stupid to many people - my answer to that is "How badly do you want change?"

kapil's Advice on Thursday, June 11, 2009 :

Interaction with team is no different for interaction with others in your life like your wife or relatives. Only difference is that with team you have a choice. :) Can you be very forthcoming with your wife or your relative?

Relationship with every person has a boundary  beyond which there is risk. This boundary expands and contracts with everyday events in life. If you do something for a person which sets a trust your boundary will expand, hen you can risk saying something harsh to him. One must respect these boudaries and work on expanding them.

Be extrovert, and develop relationship beyond office and be smart talker. Diplomacy, "Thinking before speaking", Admitting mistakes, "Giving Sour medicine with sweet..."  are few matras in life which will take you far. 

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